Friday, January 8, 2010

Lesbian Adoption : Adopting Our Daughters

I want to honor two occasions that are very dear to my heart: One, Adoption Day. Two, my seven year anniversary with Sandy.

On Friday, December 11th 2009, Sandy adopted Darah and Elanah. They are now legally her children. As part of the process, I also had to adopt my biological children. We are happy to have it completed. We will soon be receiving new birth certificates that list BOTH of our names as parents of Darah and Elanah.


On January 1st 2003, Sandy and I first became a couple. We have been together for seven full years and have been joined in unholy matrimony since February 2005. It is something I am quite proud to announce. We have lived together in two states and we have two children. I love being on this journey with her by my side. I am so grateful to have her in my life. In honor of my love for and commitment to Sandy, I want to share something I admire greatly about her. Sandy often tells me how she admires me for my boldness in being honest and being open about my lesbian sexuality. But I think it is much more rare and admirable that she lives in honesty about her person and sexuality. Sandy was born in 1954, a very different time from the year in which I was born (1984). Many of the lesbians that I know who are Sandy's age (and even 15 or 20 years younger) are closeted and dishonest about their sexuality. From the moment Sandy and I got together, she was very willing to be honest and open about our relationship with EVERYONE. She says that my honest spirit and good intentions inspired her to be courageous. While I think she was very touched and inspired by my decision to be honest about our relationship with the world, I think she already possessed the qualities necessary to join me in my pride. Many of the "older lesbian" that I know are not willing to be honest about their partnerships and sexualities. It's true, it drives me nuts (and not in a GOOD way). But it makes me appreciate Sandy and her courage all the more. It's always felt easy for me to be an OUT lesbian. Sandy, who may not have always found it easy, is much more impressive in her decision to be OUT of the closet. Not just peeking out of the closet, but with the majority of her body out in the open. Maybe I should learn to appreciate those who are IN the closet a little more, since it makes me feel all the more like a trailblazer. I like to think I would never be dishonest or secretive about my sexuality for a job or the like, but I have never lived in a time when my financial security and physical security were at serious risk. I like to think that I would be bold enough to take major risks in order to be myself, however I do realize that I would be MORE likely to do whatever I had to do to protect my children and wife. Many lesbians living in the U.S. today may perceive a major risk (for their job, for instance) that does not actually exist. I plan to be open and honest, just as I have always been, when I go out there to get a job outside the home someday. As I face what I will face, I will think of Mame on her roller-skates. Lace 'em up and roll right outta there!

1 comment:

sonyagraykey said...

Jess, first, how beautiful a dedication to those you love most! second, I recently read an article (while in Budapest) about a documentary in which women of all walks of life described being gay inside the walls of Communist rule vs. being gay post-the fall. It sounded seriously interesting. I'll try to think of the title, but I think it would be something you & Sandy might be interested in (generation gaps discussed, etc). Great post.