Slam Time (Magazine): Yes, I am (Mom Enough), but I Don't Have to Be.

And not because Time Magazine says so. The question is outrageous, really, but it's just a question. The fact that Time asks the question in THIS way is irrelevant. You may feel outraged and want to discredit their undignified question by not responding to it. Or, you might feel indifferent. You might want to say "YES, for this-this-and-this reason." You might want to say "NO, for this-this-and-this reason." Clearly, though, you will feel something - and that is what Time wants. Who cares. It doesn't matter. If speaking up and talking about the article is what Time wants, then give Time what it wants. Slam Time, if you want to. Praise Time, if you want to. Your view is YOUR view, no matter what it is.

There will be those who will criticize the article for asking a divisive question and there will be those who overlook the essential issues. The responses to the image, or to the question, will run the gamut. All of our responses or silences are valid. Regardless of Time's intent, this cover has provided us with an opportunity to engage in a dialogue on an array of issues important to women. What is it to be Mom Enough? That's like asking, "Are you Human Enough?" Am I human enough? Well, sure. Well, I don't know. Well, nah. Well, well. There are those moments when I don't feel human, but usually then I feel extra-human or extra-terrestrial (as opposed to sub-human). Are there sub-moms, extra-moms and enough moms - or are there just moms? In my extra-terrestrial view, there are moms of every variety - do we need to use the evaluative language of hierarchy to categorize them? Will we ever move beyond this?

I don't think it's a matter of being MOM Enough, though I admire the in-your-face, bold nature of the photograph. I don't know what Time Magazine is trying to do with this, but I appreciate the ART attached to the ARTicle. I love subversive art that gets people talking and thinking. Bravo to Time for the subversive art alone! Way to be bold. Now, be bolder and do it more intelligently (yes, those were my fleeting thoughts...).

Time surely has received the attention it sought, but something reactionary has occurred that is more significant than the shock-factor of the cover page itself. As time goes on, I'm increasingly interested in the types of responses that are arising from this article. In fact, I'm actually glad this happened because it got people talking - especially feminists. It's okay to disagree, it's okay to be divided. It's more than okay to coexist peacefully. 

Please check out the article I wrote for Gender Focus, a Canadian feminist blog. The article just went up today, and feel free to share you FIRST thought about the image. Then wait a while, and consider (and maybe even share) your second thought. I wrote the article last night. And today I have second thoughts. Tomorrow, maybe thirds. That's how it goes over here in the Masonismymiddlename Brain. We have seventh, seventieth, and seven hundredth thoughts. The thoughts never stop. Check the first ones out by clicking on the link below. And enjoy looking in on your OWN thoughts, whatever they might be.

The Two Faces of Time: Answering “Are You Mom Enough?”

Sharing the Love: A Letter from My Sister

This is a letter that my sister gave me in 2002. I rediscovered it, and am sharing it because I want to keep it on file someplace other than in my heart. Is this blog like a scrapbook? Is it a form of record-keeping? I'm just sharing the love!!

I’ll like you forever

I’ll love you for always

As long as I’m living

My sister you’ll be.

Dear Jessy,

            I can not tell you how proud of you I am.  You are the best performer out there, I cried watching you on that cross.  You bring so much life to that stage its unbelievable.  You really do have a gift.  But I would just like to apologize for not making tonight’s performance, and let you know how much I care about you.  Ever since we were little kids, I have always looked up to you.  Remember when I used to want to go wherever you were going, and you would always try and get away from me? Ha,ha. Well I still have that annoying desire to be close to you, believe it or not.  I quote Our Lady Peace, “No matter what you say, No matter what you do, No matter what I’m always right there behind you.”  At many times I have been a horrible sister and friend to you, but you have never given up on me and I thank you so much for that.  I haven’t tried my best to be there for you, but I would like another chance.  I will always support who you are and what you do, and I will never turn my back on you.  The truth is, I admire you more than anyone in the whole world, your strength.  You can get through anything, always remember that, and you will always have me beside you.  Congratulations on an outstanding imprint you have left on our school with your talents, you are amazing.  Thank you so much for ALWAYS being the best sister, and friend, anyone could ask for, and for never failing to give me another chance. I quote you when I say, “I love you more than myself.”

                                                                                    Love always,

                                                                                                Missy

Teacher Appreciation Day: We're Getting Married Soon

 

I'm a little late with this, but I cannot miss the chance to wish you all a very special and happy Teacher Appreciation Day. It's a very important day of the year, especially for me. Since there ain't no (!!!) Teacher Worship Day, I deck the halls for Teacher Appreciation Day instead! It sure beats Easter in my book. For what is fertility and resurrection without a teacher! The Bible, make of it what you will, involves teachings and promotes teaching. People go to churches and synagogues all over the world to be taught, or retaught, the Bible's teachings. Pastors, ministers, and priests are all translators, interpreters, and teachers. What makes a great teacher? Why it's simple: a great teacher is someone who loves learning.


A great teacher will learn from you, and better yet - learn with you. A great teacher will love the learning process. Not all aspects of it, but many aspects of it. I have known many, many fabulous teachers throughout my life. In and out of the classroom, teachers have deeply, deeply affected my life. To be in the company of true teachers, teachers who love what they do, is to be in the best company. To be in the company of true teachers is to be in the company of true learners - those who are open to learning and those who love the process of learning. This is a special blog post for me, because I realized recently something that I am thrilled to share with you. I am a teacher. I have been a teacher since I was a young child. Sure, not everyone listened to my lectures or engaged in group discussions when I was six years old. Not everyone listens or engages now. That doesn't mean I'm not a teacher. I am. I have been, and I am. It's a great revelation, and it's empowering.


For the past couple of years, I have felt a bit like I am searching in the dark for something unobtainable. It occurred to me today that maybe when I find myself in the right place, doing something that is right for me, that I will not feel so much as though something were missing from my life. That may or may not pan out, but it feels good to delude myself into thinking that I might find fulfillment. And since I am feeling oh-so-right about being an English teacher, I'm tempted to believe! I am a pleasure-seeker, but I often feel guilty about it. The other day, I was talking to my counselor about how I feel like it will be so much fun to be in an English graduate program. Fun? As soon as I said the word, I felt a tinge of guilt. Nooooo, not funnnnnn. Graduate school should be terrifying and grueling and barely survivable, right? Wait a minute. That doesn't sound right either. I realized that the Critical Voice in my head was equating pleasure with sin. I realized how often I feel guilty for doing the things I love. Yet I almost always do the things I love anyway. I just let the guilt seep into that not-so-nice place within myself where it festers and bubbles up every so often to remind me that I'm a terrible, impulsive, selfish, gluttonous animal.


Today, while I was at the playground with my wife and our girls, I was sitting in the wood chips, taking photos of mushrooms. I was zoning out. I was with my family, but focused on the mushrooms. A voice inside my head was saying things about how I came here with my family but am instead spending time with myself doing something selfish - taking photos of mushrooms. I didn't stop taking the photos until I was done. Then I rejoined my family. Another thing I have realized about myself: I like to day dream and I spend a lot of alone time doing it. I never realized how much of a loner I am until now. I love being around people and I love talking with people, but I also love equally being alone with my thoughts. My thoughts and I have one innnnnnteresting relationship. Only one or two people have ever come between us. Really, though, this is a part of myself that I am just starting to recognize and accept. I still feel guilty about daydreaming.


If I'm flighty, I'm flighty in the best sense. If I am an air head, I am an air head full of intellectualism and romanticism and creativity. My thoughts are very interesting TO ME. Unfortunately, even though they are private and safe from outside criticism, the outside criticism is already inside me and now has a permanent place in my air head. Somehow and somewhere along the line, I have internalized all of the criticisms of others I have ever encountered. They are not floating free-form around the constellation of my mind; they are secluded to one part of my mind. The stern and unloving puritan in my mind should keep quiet more often than he does. He's not my conscience, after all. My conscience, unlike my puritan, feels anxious, sick and scared. My puritan feels painful, he's always picking a fight with me. I'm on the defense against my inner puritan, but somehow he finds a way to get a word or two in before I can thoroughly enjoy anything. He's been pretty quiet these past few days, and I'm enjoying his silence. I don't know what it means, but I like it.


These past few days, I have been delighting in my decision to forgo the Clinical Psychology plan in order to follow my great pleasure. English. I have decided to go to school to be an English teacher. No more denying it to myself, this is what I want. This is where it's at (my heart, that is). I think I denied it to myself for so long because I wanted to be my own person and I thought that in order to do so I had to separate myself from my history with English. When I was in high school, the talents I possessed that were recognized by others were all in the realm of drama and theatre. But, if you could have known how I felt inside, once I was acquainted with the subject of English for the first time during my Junior year of high school, you would know that I felt like English was my calling. I lacked confidence because it was such a new revelation. I didn't have any skills in the area of my calling, and it was hard on my pride for me to recognize that (it took years...). It didn't matter that I didn't have skills. It was the calling that mattered. I felt my calling. The skills did not need to be there then. The calling did need to be there.


Okay, one more dirty little secret - I not only realized in high school that I am a lesbian witch, I also realized that I am an English teacher. In high school, I KNEW that being an English teacher was a major part of what/who(?) I wanted to be. Just like I knew that being a lesbian was a major part of who I wanted to be. I was never at home academically in ANY other subject. It was English, only English. Theatre allowed me to use my talents. English allowed me to use my passions. I think a marriage between the two is best (I don't know why the theme of marriage keeps coming up whenever I talk about English, but I guess it just emphasizes my level of commitment). I always knew about the two and their prominence in my life, but I never realized that I have another talent-passion. Teaching. I'm not a technical teacher. I'm more of a spiritual and emotional teacher. But I happen to have a talent in theatrical pursuits and a passion for language arts pursuits, and if I can bring all of the forces together I might just be one mother-loving English teacher. I am inspired and creative, too, did I mention that? Sorry, I have been taking all of these career and personality tests that have been helping marginally.


Why did it take me this long to figure out my core Web of Passions? Oh well, I eventually had to figure it out - I am, after all, attached to the web I am building. Don't worry, my students aren't my flies. This little analogy stops here. The best realization I have had this week is one that I will share with my students on our first day of classes: that knowledge is not the core requirement for a teacher OR a student. I don't have to know everything there is to know about grammar or literature (eek, slap my wrist and hand me a dunce cap NOW). It's not the grammar that makes a great English teacher. It's not knowledge that makes a wise person. Knowledge is like God, it's unattainable and illusive. Openness is what fuels learning. Openness to new ideas. Willingness is what eases us into learning. Willingness to communicate.


My goal, as a teacher, is not to cram information into someone's head or down someone's throat- it's to open parts of OUR minds to information. This takes the pressure off of student and teacher: we are there to learn and discover and enjoy together. In imperfect harmony. I cannot think of anything I would like to do more. I shared in learning with my high school English teachers, I share in learning with my wife and kids, I share in learning with you. I'm not scared. I'm not scared anymore about what I don't know. I guess I finally know what it's like to have a Fearless Love, thanks for the lesson, Melissa Etheridge (insert the emoticon of your liking). I'll be there, I'll do the work, I'll love the work, I'll love being there. I will be honest. I will be myself. It will be okay. I will listen to them and be open to them and share with them. The relationship and the work happen together, in sync. If I am present and they are present, what could stop us from learning? We're learning every moment we're alive and open. So, yes, I am learning. About myself. I am still open.


That is why I am here, that is why I still love, that is why I am accepting who I am. I could have been a Broadway star, if only I wanted to. I could have been a Clinical Psychologist, if only I wanted to. I could have been a rock star or a folk singer, if only I wanted to. I can be an English teacher -a Folk-Rock-Clinical Psycho/logist-Broadway-Actress-English Teacher Star- because I want to. I am good enough for English, and English is good enough for me. We love each other, we really do. No papers necessary, the proof is in the English pudding. And I don't have to be more. I am enough. This, my friends, is self-acceptance. Do you know why I love English teachers so much? Because I wanna be like them. Because I AM like them. We're getting married soon, and you're all invited to the wedding.

Everyday is Teacher Appreciation Day when you are married to English. The Brides of English know that English, herself, is a bride - the Bride of English.


A(n academic) Personal Announcement of this Marriage will arrive by way of Wrecking Blog in the near future. Check your mailblogxes and look for the name: McFadden-English on the address label.


Do you like the name Wrecking Blog better than Mason is my Middle Name? I'm open to change.

Legalized Gambling, Pathological Gambling, Working on a Dream

Based on your knowledge, how much of a role does legalized gambling play in the development of pathological gambling? Would banning gambling reduce the incidence of pathological gambling? Why or why not?

Legalized gambling is simply a money machine (yes, Minnie-Bruce Pratt!) profiting off of a common addictive trait in humans. The money machine of the gambling industry is a small cog in the financial machine that is THE United States (i.e, Colonialist born Capitalism). The gambling industry entices people to "use" its many products based on manipulative and deceiving advertising. An add for the lottery, for instance, might feature images that are pleasing to the senses - advertisers get people hooked on the good feeling (the euphoria) associated with positive images of the "easy life." Yes, while you're "Working on a Dream," it's the dream that has all the power over you. Advertisers use your dream to bring you to their product. They play on your human desire for as much individualistic pleasure as possible. The gambling industry also presents information in a manipulative way and plays off of a lack of analytical thinking that exists in the general population. It appeals to the believers, not the skeptics. And there are a lot more believers than skeptics in the U.S., or so it would seem based on the power of money machines like state lotteries. The money machines count on the likelihood that you will not test the logic, and will rather trust their words. They count on your blind trust in the good feelings that come with the "dream." The high of the dream in and of itself induces feelings of trust.

The odds are stacked against you and the playing field is not even in the gambling industry, but the industry execs -trust- in the gratification that people experience during the thrill of the game. The feeling that winning MIGHT be possible is an end in itself. If certain forms of gambling were made illegal, people who gamble would look for other sources of euphoria - other places in which get a sneak peek thrill chance at a dream. If all forms of gambling were made illegal, then people who get "high" off of gambling would seek alternative ways of getting high. There are many informal forms of gambling. A government cannot control all forms, so there will always be opportunities for gambling. I think it would be helpful for institutionalized gambling to be exposed and possibly eradicated, but you cannot stop the underground. You can't stop a bunch of friends from pooling their money together and placing bets on some sporting event. You cannot stop someone from creating their own illusion of a dream. You cannot eradicate all forms of gambling unless you are going to eliminate personal freedom and privacy. Legalized gambling just strengthens the power that gambling has over the general population. It makes people desensitized to it so that instead of approaching it with thoughtfulness and skepticism, they instead see it as a normal-and-acceptable part of society.

The popularization and normalization of gambling makes it harder to detect and prevent pathological gambling. It builds gambling into society in such a way that makes it extremely difficult for a pathological gambler to avoid triggers. A person who wants to lose weight might stop buying certain unhealthy foods at the grocery store but she cannot so easily avoid food advertisements that might entice her. A person who wants to stop gambling might avoid casinos but they might not be able to resist the urge to buy a lotto ticket when they check out at the store. The more infiltrated something (like gambling or like sugar and fat loaded food) become in a society, the harder it is for people to avoid the things that trigger their inclinations (addictions, if you want to call it that - I don't). Banning gambling might reduce the incidence of pathological gambling in the sense that it would make it a bit harder to go out and gamble. Sure, there will be other ways for the gambler to gamble...but it will require more effort and, therefore, be less likely to occur. I feel the same way about gun control. Sure, gun control won't stop everyone from obtaining a gun - BUT, it might put up a barrier for some people. Okay, maybe that wasn't the best example - I know the many sides of the gun control issue, and I don't wish to engage in debate about it. I think placing restrictions on gambling institutions would at least provide a filter between the money machine and the general public. Less manipulation would occur because it would face at least one barrier. A filter is a sort of stumbling block, kind of like a border to cross. I'm all for crossing borders (!), but it's probably best to stop for a moment and think about it before you start crossing.

Beauty Conceptions and Obsessions

Obsession with thinness is a recent phenomenon. As long as this obsession continues, young girls are likely to be at risk for eating disorders. What would it take for the culture to reduce this obsession? What people are most likely to be influential in such a change?

 Standards of beauty change according for cultural reasons, absolutely - though I have trouble understanding where the thin beauty idea originated. I don't know the source, historically. I think the obsession with thinness is directly linked to the media. After the invention of television, those behind the scenes realized how much power they had to influence American thought (particularly when it was a new phenomenon and people did not know the risks involved). The power of an aesthetic or fashion fad is much smaller when it does not have the expanding source of the media behind it. Without the media, the trend might stay on a local, or confined, level. The media multiplies its effects and the multiplied effects create new effects and further multiply the effects. The modeling industry is just now at the precipice of welcoming a difference in body shapes, yet it's still so far from embracing variety and difference. The modeling industry, as it is now, values sameness. I don't think homogeneity is a cultural phenomenon, I think it is common to humans. Were all the same when you look at us from a distance, we're infinitely different from one another when you look at us closely - cell to cell. But if you compare one cell to another, you can interpret the cell makeup as being distinct or as being similar.

It makes sense that if the sources in power tell us "THIS is beauty," that we will seek to fit that standard. We have our mindlessness and psychological obedience to thank. Those who are leaders in power are the minority, the majority of humans want to be led by a leader. Until another bold leader raises doubt in the followers, the followers will follow the most powerful leader. It takes a leader to break down the power of another leader - not a follower. It takes alternative and individualist thinking to come up with one's own standard of beauty. I think, or hope, that in time the focus will not be on the end result (of physical appearance) of something but rather on the contents and process of that something. I hope that health for health's sake will become the focus...and will take the focus off of the aesthetic rewards of health. To reduce the obsession, people need to stop supporting media sources that encourage unhealthy attitudes. They need to disempower the powerful. They have to stop buying the products, stop following the leader. They won't do so until another leader leads them to stop following. I think the media is in control right now, and it will take some kind of revolution to dismantle and reconstruct it. The people IN power - IN the media - are the ones, at this point, who are likely to influence small changes. Consider Ashley Judd, and how she spoke out about the war on women's bodies. That was just a start. The people need a powerful leader to lead them in another direction and transform the cultural norms that currently exist. Followers are not so much interested in the message of their leader as they are in the leadership of their leader, that's just how it works.

So, a leader. That's what it would take.

Oh the plight of the Leader - to be given the gift of belief and then to have it taken away. What goes up on the pedestal must come off (eventually).

Plan B: The Chalkboard Pioneers, I'm Gonna be a Whore-able Teacher


"Yesterday was plain awful, you can say that again. Yesterday was plain awful, but that's not now - that's then."

If you don't recognize this, it's a line from "I Don't Need anything but You" from the musical "Annie." Our younger daughter has been watching it every day for the past two weeks. At first, she wanted to watch my high school musical version every day. Then I introduced her to the film version - yes, my favorite version, thanks to Carol Burnett, and she no longer expressed an interest in Mummy-Annie. Then she and her sister came upon the 1999 film version, starring Audra McDonald and Kathy Bates - and now she alternates between the 1982 and 1999 versions. I have a clear preference for the 1982 version, even though Audra McDonald's voice is mellifluous and Kathy Bates works her Mrs. Mudge sunglasses. The 1999 version is a strange hybrid between stage and film, and it lacks the originality present in the 1992 version (or that might potentially be present in a stage version). It lacks coherence and believability. But enough about a snippet of a review of a movie that feels way too artificial to be a film and doesn't come off as spontaneous enough to be a play. The "Annie" reference is intended to kill you with clichés, because that's my word of the day (!), and to reemphasize two things: that yesterday I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and that today was not so terrible, horrible, no good or very bad.

We're under the weather, so D stayed home with us today and the three of us spent the day in our pajamas. We're still wearing them. I'm wearing pajama pants with fir trees, pine trees, Christmas tree decorations and white-and-pink churches on them. I don't know where they came from, but I wore them around my room during high school a lot. They are thin and cotton, so I wear them more often in summer than winter. I'm dirty, but you don't mind. That's one of the cool things about our relationship: you don't get to see me, smell me, or hear me hiccup and scratch my throat. We're so close yet so far away. And that's the cool thing about being a writer: people will never know (unless you TELL them) that you were wearing dirty underwear, that your hair was greasy and standing on end and that you hadn't brushed your teeth in over twelve hours when you wrote that brilliant article about personal hygiene.

You don't know what I look like or what I do while I'm writing these blog posts. I'll do you the service most others won't, I'll give you a bit of context. I won't tell you I smell like flowers when I write to you. I'll tell you I smell like onions because I ate at a Mexican restaurant last night. I'll tell you more. I'll tell you I am sitting on the couch next to my daughters. My Little E has her leg on mine. She keeps scratching her upper thigh and then looking at her fingernails (which need to be trimmed). She is coughing on me, and it sounds terrible. Poor baby. She's sweaty. She has grapefruit juice and cheese in her hair. We all have low grade fevers. I have a splitting headache. Little E just elbowed Little D in the neck - on purpose. Little D is waiting for the ice pop she made with the mint she harvested earlier to take form in the freezer. They are half-watching the Winnie the Pooh "Seasons of Giving" DVD. Yes, I let my kids watch television and play computer games. That is how I am able to write about what a terrible day I am having or what a great day I am having.

Yesterday, I found out that Plan A ain't (!!!!) gonna work no more. Kinda like: "It ain't gonna rain, no more, no more - it ain't gonna rain, no more." No longer is Plan A an option. Plan A was to be accepted into and to complete Western Illinois University's Clinical Psychology program for Fall 2012. I thought it was a sure-fire plan, but it's not even an option. With Plan A out of the picture, I have had a very brief chance to reevaluate. That's the one good thing about a plan that goes to hell - you have a chance to devise another. You can either mope around in misery or get excited about the next plan. Or you can be like me, and do both - mope yesterday, get excited today (and do something about it tomorrow). I have choices now, I am free to make alternative choices: Plan B can be to pursue a four year path to a degree in Clinical Psychology instead of a three year one. If Plan B looks like this, I pay extra and take an extra year by being a graduate student-at-large next year. As a GSL, I will not be able to take all of the courses that the eight or nine *accepted* Clinical Psychology graduate students would be taking; however I would have a lightened course load which might be more compatible with being a parent. I would have to pay full tuition, without any assistantships, and I would have to take four years instead of three to complete the program. Plan B is an acceptable plan. I have come to this conclusion: if I want to be a counselor/psychologist enough, then I will do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If I truly want to be a counselor, then I will try harder and I will suck it up and I will do whatever I have to do, and jump through whatever hoop I have to jump through, to make it happen. Right? (--says the Doubting Dorothy in my head.) I am a persistent person, when I care about and want something enough. So that's the question: Does this matter to me, do I want this, do I care about this ENOUGH? Part of me thinks I already know the answer. I have felt ambivalent about the path of Clinical Psychology for a while; I just don't know whether to interpret that ambivalence as incompatibility or something else. How-evah, I am never sure of any answer (which is why I was a terrible test-taker as a kid and why I could never be a preacher). Though I am unsure about it, that's one option for Plan B.

The other option for Plan B may just, in fact, be a better Plan A than that old, defunct plan a. It is to continue down the path that I know fairly well and in which I have done well and achieved success - the path of literature and composition. This plan presents an opportunity I feel excited about: teaching. If Plan B (Plan A+b) is the plan of literature and composition, it will also be the plan of teaching at either a secondary or post-secondary level. I am drawn to this Plan A/B and I even did a happy dance in the kitchen earlier thinking about it, mainly because it involves literature, art and composition. After taking two graduate courses in Psychology, I am longing for the type of work I used to do in English and Women's Studies classes. To read something, to be inspired by what I have read, to derive creative and analytic ideas (usually humanistic, feminist and philosophical ones) out of the reading, to play with and develop interpretations, ah-ah-ah the pleasure zones in my body are waking up, methinks. I have enough experience with these things to know that they are sources of passion for me.

There are things to like about teaching high school and about teaching college. I think I would be a highly entertaining and thought-provoking teacher - high schoolers might be more affected than college students. The high school environment is more personalized than the college teaching environment, or so it seems to me. Students often come to class and leave class as if they are checking in and out. The focus in college can be so much about fulfilling credentials and paperwork and not about a LEARNING experience. And the arrangement of classes fosters this depersonalization. What the hell is an education? I'm giving you one right now, what do ya think of that? The same depersonalization can occur in high school, but the environment warrants more time spent in the process of learning. In a high school classroom, you have more time in the classroom together - to get to know students and evolve together throughout a marking period. In a college classroom, you have a couple of hours a week for a semester. And then it's over. Usually. College students might possess some of the technical skills and intellectual talents not yet developed (in process) in high school students; however the youthful vigor of high school students sometimes compensates for the lacking areas. I might have more of an impact on a high school student than I would on a college student. I know how shape-able I was in high school and I believe my honesty, integrity, creativity and passion could be best utilized in a high school classroom. High schoolers and high schools could benefit from the qualities I possess, but first I would need to find a job.

That's one of the concerns I have about teaching high school. My sister, who is a teacher in the Williamsville School District, has shared her concerns with me: she is worried that I will not get a job because of how open and outspoken I am. I think it's a valid concern. Bureaucracy sucks! I get my knickers in a bunch when the YouTube admins ban one of my videos, imagine administrative oversight! I would probably end up having to use every last lawyer skill that I have in me to get and keep a job. Unless the principal of my school is an out of the clo-set lesbian.

I will look for jobs in Ithaca, NY when the time comes! Tee-hee. I think I am so passionate about fairness and equality that I would be willing to go through all of the inevitable aggravations. I also thrive in situations in which I have the opportunity to stand up for or defend someone else...to say what others are too scared to say. I am brave. I am really fucking brave. I CAN do the right thing. (But can I keep a job?) I don't know 'cause I've never tried. According to the English-Plan B, I will go to grad school and obtain both teaching certification and an MA in English. I will plan to teach high school English, but if it doesn't work out then I will continue my graduate studies, get a PhD and teach at a university. Will I be the high school English teacher who writes Cunt Poetry? Wouldn't it be lover-ly. Hey, ya never know unless ya try. They think they can't handle out and open Chalkboard Cunt Diatribes in the classroom because no one has dared try it-- no, wait: no one has dared NAME it. Someone has to be the first. And I love to be the first.

Usually the ones who are the pioneers are the ones who have to work the hardest, who have to suffer, who lose their jobs, who have to fight against the system. This little gamut of thoughts occurs to me. I wanna be a pioneer in the field of queering the high school classroom. I know there are others out there (ahem, attn: LGBT cliterature crones!!!) who are already doing this work. Thank Youuuuu. I wouldn't even have a vision of what might be possible if I had not witnessed S-Someone making it work in 2001. Some of the pioneers are able to bring queer issues into their classroom but aren't able to link their personal selves to their work. That's fine - for them. For me, it's different. I can speak about almost anything. You name it; I will name it out loud. No area is too taboo for me. High schools need more openly feminist lesbians in the classroom. I feel a duty to be a pioneer in this area. I also feel a thrill. I think I have my answer for Plan B: a new Plan A.

I'm gonna have my own Word Hoard/Horde. And I'm gonna Call it the Word Whore-d.
Fare well, Plan A!

Back to her Evil Ways on Monday: Godspell Drama Queen Hilarity