Friday, February 19, 2010

Midwestern Refrigerator

Status updates, from back in the day when the game was Ms. Lady Lay Lady________

is happy to have Weber's Mustard and Miller's Cocktail Sauce in her midwestern refrigerator...they've come a long way, they've come a long way... 

is so excited for and proud of her sister for getting a job, a really great job at, I'm impressed. Go Missypougmaseester. 

is grateful for all the pots that you all offered up and very grateful to Anne for her generous help with the photo recovery process! 

Darah asked to "wash her hands" and she made a huge watery mess in the bathroom. I came in to clean it up and said, "Oh, Darah, you made a mess. Oh this isn't good. I told you not to make a mess. Ohhhhh. Look at all the water." Darah says to me, very calmly and sweetly, "Calm down, Mommy. Calm down. What's wrong, Mommy?" 

The baby has been screaming bloody murder on and off since early this afternoon...she screams the worst angry, terrorizing screams when i try to feed her if the boob is causing her pain...she only quiets when she tires herself out or I carry and bounce her vigorously...teething already at three months...ah, help 

While coloring Valentines, Darah announces: "I dot wohk ta do." Then after drawing a purple scribble, she says "I dwaw a woman." That's my girl. 

Reformulates: is not a fan of TOO much testosterone... 

While scanning television channels, I stop at the Ellen Show and say, "Darah, who is that?" She says, "a guy" (even though I don't recall using that phrase very often to describe anyone). Then Heidi Klum walks on the stage, and Darah exclaims, "It's Gramma Sue!" Well, well, well.

feels sad that the kid who fired shots in the air and then at himself did not feel he had other options... 

When I tell Darah we're going to a birthday party tonight for her friend, she says "No, it's Myyyyyy birfday. It's mine. I bwow out tandles." Oh dear. 

feeling nervous about the stange small, hard lump on the back/lower, right side of Elanah's head...just under the moves around a is hard, like it is trapped under the is new, as far as we know...errr, hmmm

had a fun morning - library with my girls, playgroup with lots of wonderful people (including Biodad and Elisa), lunch and hot chocolate after, now it's nap time quiet for a little while...let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. And then, in March, let it be over with and let the sun shine so I can take Dar and Elan out... without getting slushy and mucky car exhaust all over everything. 

goodbye Lenovo PC, hello MacBook...thank you Wife. 

if you say you're gay (lgbtiqectectect) in many different ways and voices why not try saying it with your mouth? Like this: "I'm a lesbian." I said it (and lived through a tough time) and came out feeling liberated. Here's to being out of "the closet," from one LESBIAN to another!!! 

Darah's first: "I don't like you, Mommy. Ah doh (go) away. Doh (go) in the dedroom (bedroom)." 
Elan sleeps now to make up for being up in the early am (I'm talking 3-4-5am)....and here I sit, in a haze, watching Darah clean her stuffed lamb with tissues and a toothbrush. 
Thinks everyone with children should have an Adam and Elisa (also known as one unified "Elisa") in their lives...(thanks for all you do) 
feels sorry for Sandy's feet and wishes she could lend them an arch (and more) 

doesn't like that, for some people, being lgbtqiaetc is only acceptable when it is considered "something you're born with." In my opinion, I WOULD choose to be gay; I just wouldn't choose to be punished or persecuted for it.
Darah loves to have jobs to do...she excels in delivery and transfer... 
There are no elephants in this room.

I am a Closeted Lesbian : "Get that Woman Out of the Oven this Instant:" Why the Closet is OUT-dated

I'm thinking about closeted lesbians again. I cannot help it. They run from me with rainbows on their backs, as if they are saying "Please, Closet Opener, take me out of the oven before I burn." Why don't we call closeted lesbians what they are truly: ovened lesbians - roasted and broiled lesbians. I don't think the closet really depicts the confines that lesbians put themselves and are sometimes forced into...sure, they're dark and creepy. But closets can also be cozy and comfortable and relieving. As long as closets are occasionally fun places to hide and play in (and they are, my friends), then the lesbians who inhabit them need other motivations to get themselves out and about. We could get right to the point if we said "Oh, she's an ovened lesbian." Ovens are dark and dirty when they are turned off. No one wants to hang out in there, make love in there, make a fort in there, curl up with a good book in there. When ovens are on, they are burning. Even if the oven is off, no lesbian in her right (or left) mind would want to risk being in there when it is turned on. If we point out to the lesbians who are all too cozy in their closets that they actually are in ovens, then perhaps they might decide to come out for a breath of fresh air.

I never identified with the closet, anyway. When I was "closeted," I felt like there was a fire in my center that would eventually eat through or explode the rest of me. I felt like I was in an oven that was set on pre-heat. It was only a matter of time: I would either burn alive or get the hell out of there. Luckily I did get out of the oven. No, it's not all fun and games on the outside. I still support getting out, though. The remnants and scars of second and third degree burns stay with you for life, but better to be burned than to be charred. And better to be charred than to be dead. You may be spit on or ignored or ostracized or persecuted but you'll (hopefully) be alive.

The other benefit of the oven reference is that people will start to feel socially responsible for the PROBABLE TORTURE of those who are stuck or hiding in the lesbian ovens of the world - yes, it will become an issue of social responsibility. Others, who are cool and dry, will be more inclined to help their friend out of an oven than they would be to help her out of a closet. Instead of the live and let live or lazy approach ("What? She needs my help getting out of that closet? Why can't she do it herself - I have more important things to do. And maybe she likes it in there. Who am I to decide?"), people will be more inclined to intercede ("WHAT? She's in the oven? Holy fucking shit! Get her out of there before she's a pile of melted flesh and ash. We don't have time to debate this. MOVE IT, people- open this mother up!"). Oven-opening will eventually become a thing of the past just as will ovened lesbians, but while there are still lesbians in ovens and ovens to be opened it is our social responsibility to raise awareness about their marginalized and unreported/recorded state of existence. For every oven that is opened and lesbian who lives to tell about it, there will be three or four more to follow. The progress of the ripple will take effect; eyes will be opened, and the overheated lesbians of the world will learn to heal. I may be an idealist, but I think an Oven Theory of Lesbianism has a chance!

For now, I'll stick with the concept that you are probably familiar with - the ironically outdated yet ever-present "closeted lesbian." If I were a student right now, I'd be tempted to put the women in prisons on hold and focus on the women in closets. Prisons, closets - they are very similar, so I might even be able to pull off some intersecting, simultaneous projects and studies. Prisons are the closets of lesbians. Closets are the prisons of lesbians. Prisons have their closets. Closets have their prisons. There are lesbians in prisons, there are prisons in lesbians. The language itself deserves academic treatment, let alone the realms of realities, stories, and stats. But since the closet is a proverbial prison, I'd start there and see where it might lead. There are several jobs I'd be interested in, aside from being a Professional Student in the area of Women/Gender/Sexuality/Language Studies. I envision myself counseling women, perhaps women in prisons or closets or ovens of all-of-the-above. And then, as an extra, I'd like to work on a writing project for women and/or lesbians in prison. Empowering women through counseling and writing - helping them reach their goals and find their voices and, sometimes, just survive.

(More closetedandovenedlesbian blog entries to follow. )

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My Funny and Entertaining Life through Status Updates

My Life in Status Updates (August - February)

Jessica Mason McFadden:

- am I a super taster or do I just love the smell of brussels sprouts frying/roasting in the pan?

just realized/discovered that she put Sandy's NEW dark blue jeans in with the cream quilt for a wash parts of the quilt are now blue - sh*t - what a careless decision for such a consequence...I'm angry at myself right now and trying to do anything I can to fade the results.

is going to eat at Taco Bell...possibly for the first time ever.

ready for cool days and mulled cider

has discovered yet another thing to love thanks to Sandy -- pesto made of fresh basil from the garden (one of many new foods Sandy has sushi, thai cuisine - which is now my favorite, parsley pasta, the list goes on and on...)

is thinking of Sandy on her first day of classes for the semester and smiling

can't keep her eyes open and nap time is running out

thinks pregnant women should be exempt from seasonal allergies---

is trying to get things done around the house for darah's first playgroup on tuesday!

had fun at playgroup - what a great bunch of people coming together!

likes some of the things Darah said today: this morning she heard Sandy in the kitchen and climbed off the bed...she ran into the kitchen and yelled "I WANT YOU" at/to Sandy; then, later, when she woke up from her nap she saw me and said (while still lying down) "I'm up. (Was) sleepin' in bed." (The poor honey, she can...'t stop scratching the mysterious rash on her feet, but she manages to be fairly cheerful.)

thinks we should care for each other and try to find a way to care for the sick - so I am in support of the health care protest of the day - I am also excited for Darah's first Kindermusik class (but worried that she'll be cranky since she took a 45 minute nap earlier this afternoon...she doesn't like to sleep...that and the itchy feet).

going to Fun City.. .sounds fun, eh? Darah will probably just request the simple Chickenduck Park ("Chiduck"), she doesn't need a whole city of fun...or does she?

is watching Darah trace her hand around a circle and say "tircle" and "ceercle" (as well as a triangle, while she says "tieankle")...and recalls that while Sandy was out mowing the lawn, Darah said "I want Mama Si." When I told her Mama Si couldn't come see us just yet, she started crying and ran to the garage door, sayin...g "Mama Si, Mama Si. I love her."

wishes there were a Pumpkinville near Macomb...pumpkin ice cream, fresh apple cider, pumpkin donuts, hay rides, mazes...

feels so sorry for Darah. No MOM playgroup for us today, Darah is sick with a cough, sore throat and fever. She's being extra clingy, lying around and wanting to watch movies. I have a feeling this will be the pattern all day...poor sweetheart. Off to see the pediatrician!

is the mother of a daughter who thanks the nurse after getting a flu shot...Nurse Lynne said that was the first time someone has thanked her for a shot! And now she (Dar) is rubbing my back while she watches Barney. A cold isn't stopping her from being her sweet, sweet self.

having a nice, quiet day with Darah

makes an announcement: for anyone interested, WIU's annual Big Picture (a public show of support for acceptance and welcome to the Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, and Allies (GLBTQA) facutly, staff, students and citizens in the community) is scheduled to be taken on Wednesday, September 23 on the steps in ...front of Sherman Hall. If you wish to appear in the photo, be on the steps by 3:50PM!!!!

stares down at the latest ("battle") scars of pregnancy and childbirth...Baby-E seems to be still facing forward, because I feel little appendages that don't necessarily seem like heels and elbows.

- this just in, from Darah (upon picking up my cell phone after seeing hot air balloons fly over head): "Hi Gram Sue. Dar. I saw balloons."

can't sleep - teeth aching and nose burning (ah, allergies)...

wants to do lots of special things for Sandy on her birthday week, but only has the energy for the nightly foot rubs she used to give nightly on nonbirthday this calls for a trip to the zoo next weekend.

is finding it hard to breathe, just sitting in an upright position in a glider/rocker - five more weeks, five more weeks, five more weeks.

wonders why certain foods (milk, cream cheese...) make me feel weak and faint

is ready for relief-- and then strength.

had a great time celebrating Sandy's birthday at the Niabi zoo with her family (we went to a random, empty pumpkin farm and swam in the hotel, too!)...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

is in horrible pain and cannot sleep...the pain in the front/left side of my pelvic bone is truly excruciating and acts up when I am lying in bed, and then there is also the lower back pain on my left side/left hip...why can't the baby come early? Owwww. Seriously desperate for relief.

thinks, well, if I give birth RIGHT NOW, at least Darah's playroom has the Halloween lights up in it!

can't sleep, again - and what was that music I was hearing out the window at 10:30pm? didn't make my legs of brick feel like legs of feathers.

is not looking forward to having to be separated from Darah during labor and delivery - :( - we've only been apart for a max of three hours in the past year and a half (and more, while she was in my belly...but thaaaat was different).

likes when people follow through and do what they tell you they are going to do...or at least let you know if something changes - ah, isn't it that desire to uphold the illusion of control that ticks me off or is it just that I don't want to call the YMCA five times to get the five bucks I was promised for having to si...t in the rain with a disappointed toddler who was locked out of Rumble Tumble. Hum.

is thinking

sleepy from carbs and excited to watch Garlfield's Halloween with Darah (I hope she isn't too scared).

wonders why that pear had to onto homemade applesauce for dessert (just trying to prepare for the hot peppers I'll be eating later)

climbed up the spout again

is whistling, whistling here in the dark with you ♥

resting after wiping down the ceiling fans and wishing the house could self-clean perpetually for the next month...if I finish cleaning today, then I want to go into labor tomorrow...if only we could predict these things.

just listened to Darah talking as she colored a picture, saying "make a wish (wiss), make a wish, make a wish" - she just got the "make a wish" phrase from "Pooh's Heffalump Halloween movie." Now she is singing about colors..."yellow (wehwoah), yellow, yellow...giddyup (eee-yup)."

wonders why she has become Preparation H's Number One customer? What is it about having a baby that does this? Oh, iron supplements might have something to do with it!

- oh no, not the arrival of the Asian Lady Beetles. Seal up the windows and doors! Will I vacuum up 1500 this year???

is ready to have a baby...but is she ready, too?

is nauseous and has been on and off for 24 hours

has almost reached Week 39 and is being Elanah's Cheerleader (not Soccer Mom) - come on out, you can do it!

- hmmm, what could she be doing in there? flips? twists? OUCH!

is, according to the birth certificate and her mother, twenty-five today (but she thought she was twenty-five when she turned sixteen way back when). Oh, and she couldn't be happier on this and most every day - thanks for all of the shout outs, kind words and wishes, to those of you who have crossed or are crossing her path on this life-journey.

gets BH contractions everytime she finishes ice cream and sits in the rocker to check Facebook (in that order).

- what is with the Wing King selling out to/for Pizza Hut?

now understands why canned asparagus is not a hot ticket item and why Darah spit it out in her hand...and thinks seven big bites is enough for one day.

wants to be tired, wants to sleep where they sleep

is pretty sure the baby has dropped into the birth canal ("lightening"), so why isn't labor starting yet? Sighs.

can't hide from all these viruses going around

loves snuggling with her family and smelling a fire burning in autumn

thinks the time has almost arrived...

is probably going to go to the hospital this afternoon to be checked since the plug has dislodged (ack!) and the contractions are a-comin'...this labor is long and mysterious.

was sent home from the hospital without a baby...went to MDH to wait until in PAIN before heading over (sigh). Also, I didn't know that Darah would not be allowed in the L&D room with me AT ALL, darn it.

is approaching her official due date - tomorrow...

is home with her family, Sandy and Darah and - newest member - ELANAH JADE MCFADDEN!!! Sore but happy. Photos coming soon. What joy.

::: Elanah Jade McFadden, born October 23 2009 at 4:40 PM, weighing in at 7 lbs 11 ounces, measuring 21 1/3 inches, 9.9 on the Apgar scale, with an average size head (50th percentile) ::: check out the latest posting of photos for (sometimes graphic?) details :::

is getting reacquainted with her hormones

is watching Darah stand at the side of the pack-n-play, watching her sister Elanah sleep in the adorable PINK (yes, pink but not frilly) outfit Nana Jan sent her...but the Jellycat Bashful Bunnies were the hit of the night!

hears a lot more crying now that she has two kids...but, mainly, it's the older one who is crying more often.

- argh, Facebook, ye dirty scallywag. do ye take me as a fool who's drank the hogshead when yer slowin' down and costin' me me precious time? argh, ye do me wrong. i'm comin' after ya, bide yer time an' be lookin' fer yer black spot. i be feedin' the fish with yeh, so out of here yeh landlubber. weigh anchor and hoist ...the mizzen, me hearties!

wants, in about forty five years, to have a hydroponic garden (NO BUGS, people...I might actually succeed in growing something!)

Had to post it when I came across it. Now you are wondering how I came across it. Darah's head has been stinky for the past week or so, even right after a bath (in which she had her head scrubbed and cleaned). I'm just trying to figure out what might be going on, and then I find THIS article :

How would you feel about being asked to smell your family members body odors for a scientific study - yes, tee-shirts worn by your mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers? This article is fun(ny) and fascinating. So if I find a smell unappealing, should I assume it is similar to my OWN smell? But then there is also the SE...X factor (since I would likely be more indifferent to my sister's odor than my brother's odor). Or, do men just stink more in general? I think I need to read it again:

was 5'1'' and 140 lbs three weeks ago and is 5'1'' and 121 lbs in the present moment (and is still bleeding, though not A LOT)...pregnancy and giving birth are freakish experiences.

still doesn't know why she is willing to eat things that she finds at least somewhat attractive (e.g. squid, eel, fish, crab, clams) but unwilling to eat things she find unattractive (e.g. cows, chickens, pigs...things that are hairy or feathery) - is it all madness or is some genius mechanism driving me?

saw knowing and charm and a sense of humor in Darah's adorable and big, alien eyes when she was a baby and sees fascination and delicate sweetness and joy in Elanah's wide yet calm little eyes...other than that, just hoping Elanah doesn't get the flu that we are having and have had.

will be happy when she is done taking the heart medicine that she started taking during pregnancy (to slow and regulate my heart beat)

just finished the acorn squash - yep, that's almost the last of the Harvest Festival (or, Thanksgiving) dinner. (I feel so domestic and fun, too, cause I made play dough for Darah this morning.) Now for some hot chocolate.

's mother hates silence and stillness, and those visits to Macomb surely test her patience for both...and the house is quiet now, with only the sound of stuffy noses breathing and occasional bursts of typing...typing fits.

used to dance like a wild one in front of the window but now she's too sore and out of shape to carry Darah around the room for more than one or two fast-paced Raffi songs - oh, how pregnacy ages the's comical, really. But, I will say this, I was always a slow eater. As slow as Gramma Walsh and eighty years y...ounger. (Thinking of you and your quarter bets, Gramma!)

loved the Tin Man best of all -what, with those cheeks and that "haat," and could never understand why Dorothy exclaimed at the end that perhaps she would miss the Scarecrow the most...

likes it that Elanah smiles when I say her name and sing to her

was the pregnant brain, is the breastfeeding brain and always will be the lesbian brain (oh wait, all words are lies...there are no brains and there are no lesbians and there are phrases like all words are lies -- to that I say "All Status Updates are Lies," and goodnight).

dar says "i wan tandies (candies)" incessantly and then after dumping all the crackers on the rug she says "oh dear." i pick her up and she squeezes my arm and says "i wan tandies. i wan mmmm mommy. no, no, NO. i wan tandies." then starts singing, "whees on bus do wound n wound." "i'm puwin arm" (pinches my arm) "i'm p...uwin weg" (pinches leg) ."ah tandies. oh man,oh man. i wanna det up. i wanna det up. i wan tandies."

is glad Dardar loves snow!

loves Darah's newest phrases, "Nah noooow (not now)" "Wets see (Let's see)" and "How bow wis one (how about this one)," but is not so sure about "Ah tant (I can't)"

is disturbed after reading those bratty ding-bats' messages on - according to most reviews: easy is the key ingredient.

- tomorrow morning my precious and wonderful daughters will be adopted (in court) by my precious and wonderful wife...YAY!!!

is back to bangs

is awake but bored - breastfeeding and looking for something to occupy my low level of attention

Kraft Macncheese MUST be consumed loses all creaminess in the process of reheating...and, yes, I do enjoy it in its processed-powder goodness.

is trying to accept that she just cannot do as much (as many of the extras) as she once was able to do...let's focus on the essentials: brush teeth, clean bodies, feed bodies, give kisses. Alright.

- When you open up your life to the living/All things come spilling in on you/And you're flowing like a river/The Changer and the Changed/You've got to spill some over/Filling up and spilling over/It's an endless waterfall/Filling up and spilling over/Over all - (Cris Williamson, "Waterfall" from The Changer and the Changed)

::: After seeing Frosty metled into a puddle of water, Darah exclaims (at least five times for emphasis), "ah (I) need ah (to) clean it up." Yes, ah, is her all-purpose connective word - for, to, I, you, etc. She uses "ah" very well. The girl was crying, and Darah said "ah sad, as c(r)yin'." But Dar is over it now, she... just came to get me, saying "ah wan tandies. i wan dumb boy (drummer boy)."

::: "To Niag'ra in a sleeper/There's no honeymoon that's cheaper/And the train goes slow/Ooh-ooh-ooh/Off, we're gonna shuffle/Shuffle off to Buffalo (42nd Street)

is in Buffalo with the Masons - how many santas can one toddler sit on? :0

is a breastfeeding machine...sometimes.

does not like raw onion. That sub from Just Pizza was awful.

::: after reading the bedtime story and lying down to go to sleep, Elanah starts fussing (from inside her crib...which is also in our room). Darah smiles and says, "Eh-nah-nah cyin' (crying). Ah (she) need some boob." I wish I could capture the high-pitched, whiney, emphatic froggy voice in which she says "boob."
forgot to mention, via status update, that she and Sandy have been together for seven full years (as of January 1st) on with the wonders of the eighth year. SANDY MCFADDEN, I LOVE YOU. (seven years and two kids later...)

dreamed last night that she were the mother of a baby owl (or hawk?) - some baby bird predator. It wanted to breastfeed, but I was nervous that it was getting too old to breastfeed. It kept opening it's beak for milk, but I was scared that it might bite more than my nipple off...its sharp beak just made it seem like too great a risk to take. I was in the company of Sandy and two friends of ours (Virginia and Cathy) who were meeting us in their barn and offering me boxes of cold pizza (they looked like Domino's pizzas because of the small size of the boxes). So what do you do when a baby owl wants to suckle from your breast? I'd better take this thing straight to La Leche League.

is celebrating the precious life of Darah, who was born two years ago on the day at 5:36PM. Happy birthday, DarDar!!!

thinks breastfeeding is hard work - and sometimes feels all-consuming. A lot of sitting isn't good for a nail-biter...

::: when I play a happy birthday message to Dar (with Fam singing HB), she says " No moha birthday song. Get me outta heeaaaahhh."

This just in: Darah pees on potty for first time ever while Mummy J tells her potty stories. Then she says, "I talk about it. I tell Foot." Foot is the name of one of Sandy's feet...before peeing on the potty, Dar was having a conversation with Foot...

wishes darah liked the squasharoni and cheese as much as she does...what is not to like about butternut squash?

scares some people, and she doesn't even have to say BOO!
 is in a haze after Darah woke up and stayed up in the night for about four and a half hours, at least...first, she said her mouth hurt and she needed a kiss, then she stayed awake cuddling and talking for an hour and a half, then she got demanding - saying her teeth hurt and then asking for water, washcloths and other ...things over and over, then she started complaining and fussing. Then she started throwing tantrums and kicking us really hard. Then she wanted to go back into Darah bed. Then she cried in baby fashion ("waaaa") and wanted to be picked up and brought back into bed, then she continued to whine and kick the covers off, and finally fell asleep around 5 or so. And as soon as she woke up (maybe around 7:30?), she demanded that she watch a movie. Iye, iye, iye.

has some inquires/requests: First, I am looking for someone a computer with a lot of memory space, etc that can handle a really big SD memory card who would be willing to let us download photo recover software on their computer so that it can read our SD card and restore the photos that I deleted accidentally (a bunch, unedited, from Darah's 2nd birthday). Second, we are in need of teapots (you know, the kind that steeps the tea rather than the kettle that boils it) of any sort/variety. We'd be happy and grateful to borrow them for a Mad Tea Party baby shower that we are throwing for our friends. So if you have extras lying around that you wouldn't mind lending us on or before March 5th, then please let me know. We'll be happy to pick them up.

wishes things were held earlier in the morning (between 8 and 9am), like playgroups, for two reasons: 1. So that I could drop Sandy off at work on our way and make two trips rather than four and, 2., because Darah is usually more cheerful earlier than later

is happy to have Weber's Mustard and Miller's Cocktail Sauce in her midwestern refridgerator...they've come a long way, they've come a long way...

is grateful for all the pots that you all offered up and very grateful to Anne for her generous help with the photo recovery process!

is so excited for and proud of her sister for getting a job, a really great job at, I'm impressed. Go Missypougmaseester.

- Darah asked to "wash her hands" and she made a huge watery mess in the bathroom. I came in to clean it up and said, "Oh, Darah, you made a mess. Oh this isn't good. I told you not to make a mess. Ohhhhh. Look at all the water." Darah says to me, very calmy and sweetly, "Calm down, Mommy. Calm down. What's wrong (wass wong), Mommy?"

ok - the baby has been screaming bloody murder on and off since early this afternoon...she screams the worst angry, terrorizing screams when i try to feed her if the boob is causing her pain...she only quiets whenshe tires herself out or i carry and bounce her vigorously...teething already at three months...ah, help

is part Witch.

loves ceiling fans.

- while coloring Valentines, Darah announces: "I dot wohk ta do." Then after drawing a purple scribble, she says "I dwaw a woman." That's my girl.