Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Next Installment of J-Updates!

Jessica MM: Darah informed me tonight, on the ride home from Aurelio's, that she saw me eating dog poop when Missy and my mom were visiting. Later, she described how I cut the skin off of the dog poop before Sandy and I ate it. I'm not sure what she was thinking was dog poop...but she seems pretty convinced that that was what I was eating...hmmm.

‎ : Dar complains when I try to brush her long hair with anything other than the soft, useless baby brush. "Don't use dat mean bwush. Use dis nice bwush!"

: has an idea for an art project: a mosque made of women's naked bodies or a mosque on a naked woman's body (both live art). If you like my idea, take it and bring it to life...subversive and meaningful and...

: Dar, upon seeing Elanah try to brush Mummy's hair: "You warm my tacos, Ehnanah (you warm my cockles, Elanah).Then, seeing Mum typing, she comes to the computer and says: "Hi! Gwad to meet you."

: is amazed watching Elanah hitting milestones this way and that...so many little things that seem so BIG!

‎ : OMG, I can't believe this. Miss USA and Miss TEEN USA want ME. ME, people!!! Oh wait, I have to be single AND have to never have given birth to a child. Oh, poop - do ya think they'll notice something's fishy when my deflated basketball of a stomach rolls over the bikini?Naw, they'll never notice THAT. But they may take a second look at the hair around my bikini line. They better not discriminate against me for my Italian heritage (Italian heritage = thick, dark hair growing out of unspeakable places). No, they love Italians. They'll love me and my hairy legs. They'll love me, they'll really love me. Oh crap, I just discovered the fine print: "There is NO talent competition." I might be in trouble...

: This morning I am Mommy Giraffe and Darah is Baby Giraffe...

: allergies/sinus issues = ridiculous form of torture...
(watery snot dripping out of my nose into Elanah's ear while I'm breastfeeding if I tilt my head down, yes...)

‎: Why do the allergies arrive when the cool weather arrives? I don't get it! (<-- aching="" and="" br="" dripping="" eye="" eyes="" nose="" one="" open="" says="" with="">
‎: Dar did it, she decided to give her Zucky (pacifier) to Elanah and be a "big girl." She slept without it last night, and expects to go to the store as soon as possible to pick out a big girl prize!

‎: Dar, looking through a photo album, "Dis is my woohk. I'm at woohk (work). My woohk was date (great). I dotta tell Mommy. Mommy, my woohk was date (great). It was funny. Facebook. I dot (got) Facebook. It says 'Owd (Old) bando (banjo).' And heah (here) I'm on da twain and da twain and da twain (the train). (Points to... photos of herself on the train at the Buffalo Zoo.) I dotta wead dat. I dotta wead about PJ's (invisible friend based on Barney character, BJ). Mommy, I dotta wite (write) PJ (BJ) on time. Mommy, may I pwease wite on Facebook to PJ?" ‎"I'm tind (kind) of mad dat you woohk evey (every) day, PJ. You woohk eveeeeyyy dayyy."

: Dar decided that for her Zucky Give-up Reward, she wants TORTELLINIS!!!

: just woke up
from a weird dream and beckons all Expert Dream Interpreters to put on
their reading glasses. AHEM!

‎: Dar woke up in the middle of the night two nights ago, and said in a distressed voice, "I don't want a monkey in my bed." Then she got in bed with us, and felt much better! Once, when I was preg, I woke up from a dream that a small monkey was hanging over me from the ceiling. I think I actually jumped out of bed and scared Sandy.

‎: Elan took her first couple of steps on her own last night!! Go Lan Lan!

‎: Dar just gave me some GOOD advice. "Mommy, I don't want you to hurt your finger wis your teef. You shouldn't hurt yo-seawf. Don't huuht yo-seawf, Mom, or you'w det a Bandaid."

: has to just let people be who they are even if I think they are different than they think they are, but I'm a know-it-all and I don't wanna! ;)

: remembers when her sister, Melissa Sue, would tell her "Olivia and Gregory" stories (Olivia and Gregory = fictional couple on soap opera) before bed at night...I was fifteen years old! She was a very good storyteller. ‎(It sounded JUST like Darah. "Mommy, teow me one moh stowee and den sweep time.") I had to tell her ONE more...I know how it feels to want to hear another story!

: will be a lesbian tonight and tomorrow morning. Ya wish you could say the same fer yerselves, ya heteroscallywagles!

: wants the healthy stuff to be as cheap as the crappy stuff - and tonight I am talking about nailpolish!

: gave one of her kids the "bowl" cut yesterday (without an actual bowl...just cause cutting hair is hard and I kept going shorter and shorter).

: is celebrating my mom's birthday, listening to Darah sing sweet renditions of "Hahppy Biersday tew yew...hahppy biersday tew dahmma sue..." It makes the pain in my lower back bearable!

: is loyal, first and foremost, to her sense of truth and fairness...the dominos fall from there.

‎: Woo-hoo, Friday Night. Soooo. How do you get lots of little, uniform lumps in your cream of wheat???

‎: Sandy and I have new names: Moka Mita and Momma Mina. Dar came up with it while waiting for a "poopie to tome" on her potty!

: Ugh, weekend of torture: END, please! Sandy and the girls are sick with awful colds/fevers and I am having terrible seasonal allergies that could make any psychologically healthy individual go bonkers. Let the madness stop. So much for the weather we've been waiting all summer for...on the upside, though, we did manage... to have yummy buttermilk pancakes from scratch (thanks to Sandy and Darah) this morning.

‎: Dar announced to Sandy, proudly, "I sweeped yesternight (I sleeped yesterday = I took a nap today)." After dinner, I chased after Darah, as my monstermummy persona and told her, "I'm gonna eat you!" She became very upset, and said "No, you're my mommy. I want you to be mommy now!"

: loves the way that Dar says "mother" ("muh-ver") and "balloons" ("be-woons")...

: wishes she could get Dar to try new foods...and I'm not even talking vegetables, I'm just talking something other than pasta! She has her staples, and she refuses to try anything else...she won't even try pudding!

‎: the watermelon was supposed to be seedless. In other words, I've never seen so many tiny seeds!

: has yet to find the right caesar salad dressing...the bottles on the shelves are never quite like the ones I have enjoyed at restaurants. Newman's Own oil-based caesar comes closest, but not as good. Why? Some of the ones we've tried are just downright nasty.

‎: Dear Hormones, Behave yourselves. Unfortunately Yours, Jessica

: had fun last night at the balloon flight, even though the only balloon that flew was the size of my head. It was great to watch Dar and friends dancing while the band played on.

‎: Dar fell out of bed last night. Well, rolled to the floor. She said, nervously, "Oops. I Fawd" and ran over to my open arms. She spent the rest of the night in Big Bed.

‎: Why did we let Dar put food coloring in her cereal milk? Now she won't eat cereal without it. OOPS!

‎: Dar went to her first dance class without me with her - and she was just fine without me!!! :)

: is mentally prepping herself for tonight: our first night out, leaving a
babysitter (two, actually - Elisa and Adam, Goddess love 'em) with the
girls for a couple of hours while we see "The Kids are Alright" with
Amy C. Wish me luck. Now wish them luck (with Elanah, the
Professional Shrieker).

‎: Dar just went poop on the potty but must have had a piece stuck to her butt...she came out of the room and somehow poop got on the dining room chair and the carpet and her sock. While I cleaned it up, she followed me around telling me, "Baby doll did it." Then when I picked up the piece on the floor, she said, "Oh, a...nimal poop." Now she's talking to her doll about it. "Ut oh, Baby, you did dat. You pooped on dere."

: is celebrating the wonderful gift, SANDY - this weekend. It's her birthday weekend. To kick it off, Dar and I made carrot-zucchini muffins. Onward to some jazz, lots of renditions of "Happy Birthday," and a coupla foot rubs if I can manage it! I love that jean-wearing woman, I have much to celebrate.

: had a really fun morning with the fam. LOVED watching Dar dance with the leaves to jazz. DIDN'T love seeing a sweet boy be belittled by his caregiver for having spent time in the children's lib and for being a "baby" and for playing with toys instead of books. Um, caregiver (who droppedhimoffandpickedhimup), where were... you? Don't you know how sweet that kid was to my 11 month old daughter? Poor child. He built a robot out of legos and showed us, and we told him it was really cool. He played sweetly with Elanah. Then she came in and just berated him about playing with baby toys. I saw her still berating him in front of the car before they left. This was in public, imagine what she is like at home. It's hard to know what to do - should you say something or not? The lines are blurry.

: had four sips of the cranberry wine and feels hot and drunk...best be stickin' with tea, even on Sandy's birthday ♥

: thinks Elanah's pre first words might just be "hi there" but it isn't official yet ("hah dahr")

: is havin' a great morning...the house smells like my mom's house (banana bread with applesauce instead of oil is baking), Dar is dancing around to a Bette Midler album, and Elanah is putting underwear on her head while I finish folding the laundry. Ah, domestic life...

: tried to release the fly, but it just won't leave the house...on top of that, it keeps following me around and landing on my food...and I suck at killing flies!

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