Thursday, August 12, 2010

Funny Hearing Loss / Impairment Stories : Mother Cookie is at it Again

Sometimes I don't hear things correctly the first time around. Some people (ahem) think it's because I'm not listening. But, I argue that something more complicated might be going on (you know, something in my brain or ear or...).

Years ago, when we lived on Lennox, the woman across the street from us yelled out to me while I was reaching out to grab the mail. What I heard her say was, "Are you Cookie?" I paused for a moment, and could not for the life of me figure out what she was saying. "What," I responded with a calm, friendly facial expression. "Are you cookie?" Well, that didn't work. Becoming more anxious, I tried one last time: "What?" Back it came - "ARE YOU COOOOKIIIIEEEE?" (Brain speak: Crap, this lady is asking me if I am cookie. I can't think of what else she could be asking me.) It all happened so fast. I did have that "Oh shit!" moment in my bird brain; but, like a real piece of work, I had to respond as though I knew what she said.

I just threw it out there, really loudly, in every bit of seriousness. I yelled it across the street with my big stage voice: "Are you asking me if I'm Cookie?" Just picture the furrowed brow dominating my short forehead and sincere look of discomfort and exasperation. Then add to that a kind, unassuming vocal tone and an innocent, domestic inflection: Yes. "Are you asking me if I'm Cookie?"

The woman looked annoyed and dumbfounded. "No, Are You COOKING?"

I don't recall the rest of the conversation, my embarrassment and desire to laugh and laugh and laugh fogs my memory of the moment. Sandy probably was cooking something delicious and healthy, as usual.

I probably had my mind on something else, so when she questioned me I was out of my element and didn't have a context in which I could place her words. I still wonder why I didn't just say, "I can't hear you. Wait, I'll be right there." Why did I stand there like an idiot, thinking she was asking me if my name was Cookie?

Sandy and I still have a good laugh over this one. You can call me Jess or Jessica, but only Sandy and that woman and I can call me Cookie. Got it?

I was reminded of my Cookie Story by an incident during Quiet Time with DarDar today.

Dar said: "Is naptime over?"
Mummy heard: "Is it naptime, mother?"
Mummy said: "Yes." (Very cheerfully, smiling because she thought Darah called her "mother.")
Darah said: "Oh. Yay. I det to dance now!" (Sitting up, looking so happy.)
Mummy said: "Oh, Darah, honey. I thought you said, "Is it naptime, mother." You can't get up to dance yet, it's still quiet time.
Darah: (Gets a horrified, disappointed, sad-sad look on her face.) (Starts sobbing inconsolably.) (Then starts shrieking.)
Then, a bit later:
Darah: "I'm donna read a book."
Mummy: "Okay, but do it quietly"
Darah: (Gets book. Looks at first page.) "I tan't weed dees words. I need you to weed dem.
Mummy: "Honey, I can read them to you after naptime. If you want to read the book, you have to read it quietly."
Darah:(Starts shrieking.) (Continues shrieking and getting off the bed.)
Mummy: "Darah if you don't lay down on the bed, I am going to lie with you and hold you there."
Darah: (Continues crying, screaming, holding her breath, kicking.)
Mummy: (Holds Darah and kisses her and tries to be strong while Darah fights.)
Darah: (Finally falls asleep.)

In the meantime --

Elanah: (Cries and squeals, standing at the crib)

After --

Elanah: (Gets picked up, stops crying, sucks on mummy's elbow, grunts, smiles.)
At present moment --

Mummy: (Eats thrice reheated roasted broccoli.)

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