Saturday, August 1, 2009

Is it a girl? "Well, it does have labia."

I haven't posted in a while. I guess I've been busy or just preoccupied with other things. Darah and I traveled to Buffalo with her biological father, Adam, a couple of weeks ago. His best friend, Bob, lives twenty minutes from my parents so it worked out quite well that they would visit while I had a nice, ten day visit with my family on Chasewood Lane. We missed Sandy, of course, but she was at home working hard on a NSF (?) grant that she and a few of her colleagues were submitting. I think that grant is going through the process of being accepted right now, which is why Sandy is at her office today - making minor revisions for a second or third time and organizing paperwork. I don't like grants. You put all this work into it and if it is not funded (and is, instead, rejected), you either revise and resubmit or trash it. At least if one of my poems has been rejected (and they ALL are!), I still have the poem to stare at or put back on the shelf in the hopes that someday it might be seen by someone, somewhere. But I'd prefer not to think about the unread and rejected poems right now...how about, instead, I'll think about something else that's growing inside of me and who has nothing to do with publishing work:::my second (well, third, if you count Sandy) baby.

And we just found out that she is "a girl." Which really means that she has outer labia. We saw them. We have them in a new photo album in her honor. Of course labia, I realize, don't indicate necessarily what her chosen GENDER will be (note: differences between sex and gender), but it locks us into that GENDERIZED LANGUAGE for a while. And now I have an answer (though possibly a somewhat dishonest one?) for that questions that pops up in long and short conversations - do you know if it's a girl or a boy? Well, not really. Maybe it is not either. Maybe it is both. Maybe it is actually one or the other. She will decide. But for now I can just say, "a girl." And if she decides she is, indeed, a girl...then that's great. I love women, and I'm happy to have a whole family of women: two mothers and two daughters. If one or two decide to identify as something other than women, so be it. And if we get a puppy, I'll be happy to have a female dog. I always think of dogs, whether they are female or male, as being masculine. Isn't it funny how we attach gender to EVERYTHING, both living and non living things. We are so nuts. You and me, baby. So that's the big news: it's a girl! Ha. At least now my mother will not have to worry that we are going to put all of the feminine clothing that was given to us on our boy, because we threatened to do so as a way of encouraging gender neutral clothing when Darah was born. It didn't work. We have lots of dresses and frilly-ish things that people have given us. Oh well, we'll be able to use all of the clothes without anyone making a fuss. What does it matter whether a pink or blue cloth covers a penis?

We have been having Darah say the names on our final list of baby names. Even though we already decided on a name, Darah had a clear favorite all along. Sasha. She loves to say "Cha cha." Maybe our next goldfish or puppy or stuffed animal can be named Sasha, since we decided not to name the baby Sasha. Until a few days ago, Sasha was at the top of my list, too. But we are very happy with the name we chose for Darah's sister. Sandy dreamed it up and I found it on line, and then we came up with an adaptation of it...and we found that it compliments Darah Sage VERY well (in sound AND meaning). Choosing a name is hard, especially choosing a name for something you have hardly seen and never met. But, based on her womb personality, I think it fits. She moves around but is pretty gentle. Darah kicked and she still kicks.

Here are some lists of names we were working with for a while. I am pretty sure if the baby had a penis, we would have gone with the name Mason Gray McFadden. We both really likes the way that name sounded, but Sandy felt Mason was too harsh for a labia. So we worked with some others.

For a penis:
Mason Gray McFadden
Sam Xander McFadden
Basil Sefton McFadden
Tenn McFadden


For a clitoris:
Emma Lee McFadden
(alternatively Emma Blu/Gray McFadden)
Lillee (-?-) McFadden
(maybe Lillee J/Jae/Alana McFadden)
Nova Blu McFadden

Other ideas:

Alyx
Alexi or Ellexie or Elexi
Alana or Alanna
Lianna or Liana
Sasha
Parker
Jordynne
Zoie
Ethynne
Mayah
Norah

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(from an email Sandy sent me)

my current preferences:
Mason Gray McFadden
Basil Tenn McFadden
Sam Xander McFadden
Sasha Alyx McFadden

Emma Lee McFadden
Alexi Gray McFadden
Nova Blu McFadden
Nora Lee McFadden
Sasha Alexi McFadden

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Emma - German for whole or universal or all-containing;
Sasha - Greek for defender of mankind; Russian translation for defender and helper of mankind
Alexi - Greek for defender (helper) and protector of mankind; Russian translation; English for helper or defender of mankind;
Nova - Latin for new; in Astronomy it is a star that releases a tremendous burst of energy (temporarily becoming extraordinarily bright);
Gray - English for pleasant;
Blu(e) - English for blue;
Lee - English translation of "meadow;"
Nora - Hebrew for light; Latin for honor;
Alyx - English and Greek for helper and defender;
Vania/Vanya - Latin for "brings good news;"
Alana - Old German and Hawaiian meanings of precious and awakening;
Dilana - American for "of the light;"

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WHAT WE HAVE TO WORK WITH

Emma - German for whole or universal or all-containing;
Sasha - Greek for defender of mankind; Russian translation for defender and helper of mankind
Alexi - Greek for defender (helper) and protector of mankind; Russian translation; English for helper or defender of mankind;
Gray - English for pleasant;
Lee - English translation of "meadow;"
Alana / Alanna - Alanna is the Greek name for "light;" Old German for precious and Hawaiian for awakening, offering, light and buoyant; Gaelic for rock; Irish form of Alana means attractive and peaceful (alternative spelling: Alanah) and Celtic forms of Alana mean "little rock," harmony and peace.
Alanya - English form of Alana
Jae - American English name (based on Jaden, a derivative of Aiden); French version of the name "Jay;" Jael is the feminine Hebrew name for mountain goat and climber;
Elanna - Elan is the masculine Native American name for friendly and the masculine Hebrew name for tree; Elana is a Greek form of Eleanor - meaning "light;" Lana is Latin for "woolly" and Irish for attractive and peaceful
Elanya - Modern versions of Alana or Elan
Elania -See above
Zanya - Zan or Zander are short forms of the Greek name Alexander; the Chinese name, Zan, means support, favor and praise; Zan is also the Italian word for clown; Anya is a Russian form of Anna - which means gracious
Zaniyah - See above
Zania - See above


FULL NAMES (spelling and middle names may vary)

Emma Lee McFadden (Em, ELM)
Alexi Gray McFadden (Lex, Lexi, AGM)
Alana Jae McFadden (AJ, Lana, AJM)
Elanna Jae McFadden (EJ, E, Ela, Anna, Lanna, EJM)
Elanya Jae McFadden (EJ, E, Ela, Anya, EJM)
Zanya Gray/Jae McFadden (Zan, Z, ZJ, Anya, ZGM or ZJM)

JESSICA'S CURRENT PREFERENCES / ORDER OF PREFERENCE

1. Zanya Gray (Jae) McFadden
2. Elanya (or Alana/Alanya) Jae McFadden
3. Sasha Alexi McFadden
4. Emma Lee McFadden
5. Alexi Gray McFadden

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